It is impossible to not feel sad, depressed and hopeless having read about the Atul Subhash suicide case. There are too many facets to the story and I am utterly incompetent to make a holistic argument of it and probably unwilling to say too much, however, there are few things that I wish to express and it will be a shame if I choose to shy away from it.
First and foremost, suicide is not an act of cowardice, period! In fact, cowards are those who go through their life bereft of dignity.
Only a person with extreme courage and clarity chooses to end his life, it is the highest form of protest and needs to be looked at accordingly. So let us not light candles or showcase any such lame, obnoxious, symbolic acts. If we honestly believe and feel for Atul’s loss or the loss of anyone we knew, the only way to protest is redo our beliefs, values and choices and recalibrate our way of life. Recalibrate such that no other Atul is forced to end his life.
Second, it is not about gender. Let us not be in a hurry to label all women as toxic gold-diggers, just like we are in a hurry to label all men as rapists!
Greed has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with values. Majority of men and women are still decent people willing to live a decent life, the behavior of outliers do not represent the population. Having said that, what lacks is self-awareness, we do not realize the extent of emotional harm we bring to people around us because of our insensitivity. We are not sensitive to changes in our behavior, the effects of influence on our choices and when we do not know ourselves sufficiently it is impossible to know or care to know about others. So let us practice some sort of meditation, any method of meditation that allows us to look at ourselves dispassionately, so that before labeling everyone around us as the cause of problems, we look at our flaws first and strive to iron them out.
Third, enough of the self-love obsession. There is a very thin line between self-love and being narcissistic and most of us do not realize the subtle transition we undertake to the later.
Our obsession with ourselves have scaled such extremely dangerous levels that we have become blinded to the misery of others. For us, our comfort or success or whatever we wish to achieve is paramount and it has to be achieved at any cost, even if it comes by harming others. Harm does not necessarily mean physical harm, we harm others in many ways, and the fact that most of us don’t think we do is in itself testament to our delusional state.
A person I knew was going through separation few years ago. Although it was a mutual consent divorce and on very reasonable, mature terms, it affected him deeply. He told me that on many occasion he thought of ending his life but couldn’t conjure enough courage to do so. What for those around him was a rather peaceful and easy settlement, was for him a case of loss of faith; in himself, in the concept of love, relationships and family. Either he was unable to convey his pain sufficiently and/or those around him lacked compassion to see his pain for what it was.
He told me that once he tried to convey his feelings to his ex, and after a patient hearing she responded, “you have only thought of suicide, haven’t attempted it yet, right?” He said he smiled and never bought up the subject again. Maybe his ex didn’t think through her response or thought it was not as serious as he made it look. So would it have been clearer if he had slit his wrists or jumped of the balcony? The point I am trying to make is we are becoming so insensitive that we have started devaluing life itself. We need to redo a lot.
Atul means matchless, incomparable. Indeed, his sacrifice is incomparable and however blunt and bold it is, I have little hope and faith in the system. The law won’t change, the judiciary won’t change, there is too much inertia and too little willingness to introspect, let alone reform.
What can change, or evolve is you and me, in that I have hope. Let us start with ourselves, please.
Aisle Seat Stories 